"To the so-called church:
You were my everything. You were my all. My foundation. My identity. My voice. My moral compass—my sense of “right” and “wrong.” You were my safe haven. My shelter from “the world.” You were the filter through which all of my thoughts, feelings, and perceptions were processed through. You were the lens through which I saw the world and the people in it. You were the guide for all of my life’s decisions. You were the answer to all of my problems and questions. You were the source of all truth. You were my world.
I gave you my my everything. I gave you my all. My time, my talents, my energy, my efforts, my money, even much of my identity, voice, and sense of self to be what you wanted me to be. I served you. I brought other people to you as a dedicated missionary and servant and numerous other capacities. I centered my life around you and made you top priority. But you sucked me dry. You took me for all I was worth without any regard for me including my health or well-being. But it didn’t matter as long as you were growing and gaining from it. And you would’ve continued to take from me as long as I was willing to give.
I wanted you to be true. I believed in you. I defended you. I clung to you. But you lied to me and you betrayed me. The “foundation” you gave me was weak and built on a pile of lies and deceit. The “moral compass” you provided created a black and white view in a world that exists in endless shades of gray. The “shelter” you tried to sell to me, was a fence for which my thinking and freedom were boxed within. The “safe haven” you offered led me to believe that the rest of the world was a dangerous and evil place that I needed to be sheltered and protected from when it was so many parts of YOU I needed protection from. Many of the “answers” you provided weren’t truly answers because the origins from which they came were/are false. The monopoly on truth you tried to claim fueled judgment, criticism, moral superiority, and a narrow limited world view that I projected onto others in the name of staying loyal to you. The “voice” that you gave me drowned out my own internal voice and the ability to listen to and trust myself. The “identity” you created for me, robbed me in many ways of my own sense of self—my autonomy, individual sovereignty, and authenticity. You robbed me of much of my self worth by teaching me that I am NOTHING without certain unknown, unseen, unverifiable beings namely “god” and “Christ” whom I could never quite reach in the way you promised that would bring me out of that sense and state of nothingness. Hopelessly chasing after these nebulous beings created a strong dependence on you which created cycles of self-loathing and just never being good enough. The “guide” you provided led to making a lot of important decisions without informed consent and making a lot of choices to make you happy and disregard what I may have wanted for myself.
You got me on the hamster wheel. You had me in the bubble. But I’m ready to move past you. I’m ready to reclaim and develop for my self everything you took from me: my identity and sense of self, my self worth, my internal voice and authority, my autonomy, sovereignty, and authenticity, my critical and independent thinking, my decision making skills, an open world view, and a strong foundation for my life.
I am truly ready to explore the great big world beyond the fence filled with endless possibilities, beauty, truth, love, goodness, and humanity. I am even ready to accept and embrace the many unknowns and uncertainties the lie beyond that border."
~ Anonymous Exmormon